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Marriage, love and friendship
Written by
Hossam Badrawi
In my opinion, love should be balanced without extremism, and even hatred and hostility should be without exaggeration, injustice and aggression. In all cases, what is required is slowness, patience, and endurance. People do not always speak and do the way we want and like. There are different interests for humans, and interests that may coincide or sometimes conflict. There are priorities in the life of every person who may not know that they are his priorities until they are exposed to dangers, even the people he loves most.
Therefore, hostility must not be absolute, inevitable, and permanent. Rather, we must always make a way to return and retreat, and if you close a door, open a window. Likewise, in the field of love and friendship, do not exhaust your feelings in an absurd manner, but rather keep the line of balance present and present permanently.
But there is an opposite idea that says that balance comes from the wisdom of experience and the length of living with people, but it also takes from the surge of feeling that brings the highest levels of pleasure from some extremes in closeness, love, love, and jealousy that distinguishes youth and young people.
Wisdom makes balanced feelings last long and takes a little euphoria, while extreme feelings give euphoria that may not last long and last a lifetime with a person.
The delicate young woman said:
Most of my female and male friends who loved each other during university and got married did not succeed and they divorced.
I told her: My daughter, the circumstances surrounding young people during their studies with no responsibility except to study and enjoy life without responsibilities are different from the reality of practical life after graduation.
Human relations must be compatible with a new reality in which we live, new responsibilities, successes and failures that happen to everyone, the surrounding balances change, and feelings change. Therefore, it is necessary to be patient with the decision to marry after graduation and work.
Another young man said:
I mean, you advise late marriage at an older age:
I said, every relationship has its own circumstances, and I cannot specify a specific age, but I advise you to be patient and not rush after feelings only in certain circumstances, as circumstances may change and feelings will change.
A philosophical girl, one of the dreamers, said: Like summer friends and travel friends, when the summer and the trip end, the friendship may not continue in the same way due to changing life circumstances.
I said: Indeed
Another said: What do you advise us about marriage:
I said:
Gibran Khalil Gibran says something about marriage that I have been repeating ever since I read his great book, “The Prophet.”
He says on my own terms:
In marriage you are together to build a life.
However, let there be spaces between you.
Each of you should give each other some of his loaf, but do not share one loaf.
The pillars of the temple are based on separation
And the strings of the harp sound, even if they are pulled apart.
Science and quantum physics say: The basic structure of the entire universe is something smaller than everything called quarks, and it consists of filaments that dance and vibrate in different ways, thus creating matter. In my mind, God is the maestro who makes each group of quarks vibrate differently, so matter is formed, which is an expression of energy according to the type of vibrations. It is as if all of life is a piece of music and the universe is a divine melody.
Likewise, our life and our relationship with life partners, whether a spouse or a friend, is a system that requires harmony and harmony, like a piece of music or a symphony of life. Two people write it and play it together. They avoid dissonance and strive to live up to it to build a happy life together.
The realistic young man said:
Isn’t marriage a deal like all deals through which we achieve a goal?
I said :
Marriage is not a deal.
Marriage is a moral obligation between a man and a woman who seek to make each other happy and build a family.
Marriage is a declaration between people of a commitment between two people who share love, friendship, respect and commitment.
The friendship between spouses increases in importance over time.
If a person enters into marriage with the aim of making profit and achieving goals, then it is a marriage whose end is inevitable.
Another young woman said:
What about separation and divorce:
I said:
If one party seeks divorce without a serious attempt at reconciliation, he is wrong.
Do not propose to marriage unless there is love, friendship, affection and respect between you.
Four pillars: If one of them falls apart, the obligation falls and disappears.
If you decide not to complete the commitment due to your failure to create a life together, then separate without resentment or hatred.
Once again, marriage is not just a contract and a deal from which we make a profit.
Let us meet in love and part with affection and respect.
A young woman who travels a lot said:
When I get married, I will get married in England or America, where the law gives me the right to half of my husband’s wealth upon divorce.
I said: So you did not hear me. If the goal of marriage is to gain benefit, its end will be harm to both of you.
Because by seeking a selfish benefit upon separation, you give the other party the right to harm you, and even in the materialistic Western world, the benefits accrue to law firms and not to the spouses.
Let them marry honourably and separate honourably.
An educated young man said: When there is disagreement, things become complicated, Doctor, and these values disappear.
I said: Make sure, my children, that the right is neither in Western nor local law. The right remains a right in all circumstances. People’s natures appear at the time of disagreement, so do not rush to cause harm, but rather strive to achieve separation with morals, patience, and tolerance.
A young woman who recently divorced said:
My ex-husband has singled me out and made me give up all my rights, including a child from him, in order to get a divorce. Is this pleasing to God, or is it just because I live in Egypt?
I told her: No, if you get married according to the Sunnah of God and His Messenger, God will not be pleased with you not being able to provide for your children and care for them in Egypt or elsewhere. Nor will God be pleased with your wife being robbed of half of her ex-husband’s property if you are in a Western country, as your colleague says.
Another young man said: Not all difficulties are what women face. There are wives whose demands are an obstacle to completing life. We should not put the blame solely on men.
I said: Every situation has its own circumstances, and let me share with you a piece of wisdom I learned: In the unconscious stage of marriage, you cling to your belief that your partner intuitively understands your needs and understands them on his own. However, in the conscious marriage stage, in order to reach an understanding with your life partner, you must open channels of communication with him.
Written by
Hossam Badrawi
In my opinion, love should be balanced without extremism, and even hatred and hostility should be without exaggeration, injustice and aggression. In all cases, what is required is slowness, patience, and endurance. People do not always speak and do the way we want and like. There are different interests for humans, and interests that may coincide or sometimes conflict. There are priorities in the life of every person who may not know that they are his priorities until they are exposed to dangers, even the people he loves most.
Therefore, hostility must not be absolute, inevitable, and permanent. Rather, we must always make a way to return and retreat, and if you close a door, open a window. Likewise, in the field of love and friendship, do not exhaust your feelings in an absurd manner, but rather keep the line of balance present and present permanently.
But there is an opposite idea that says that balance comes from the wisdom of experience and the length of living with people, but it also takes from the surge of feeling that brings the highest levels of pleasure from some extremes in closeness, love, love, and jealousy that distinguishes youth and young people.
Wisdom makes balanced feelings last long and takes a little euphoria, while extreme feelings give euphoria that may not last long and last a lifetime with a person.
The delicate young woman said:
Most of my female and male friends who loved each other during university and got married did not succeed and they divorced.
I told her: My daughter, the circumstances surrounding young people during their studies with no responsibility except to study and enjoy life without responsibilities are different from the reality of practical life after graduation.
Human relations must be compatible with a new reality in which we live, new responsibilities, successes and failures that happen to everyone, the surrounding balances change, and feelings change. Therefore, it is necessary to be patient with the decision to marry after graduation and work.
Another young man said:
I mean, you advise late marriage at an older age:
I said, every relationship has its own circumstances, and I cannot specify a specific age, but I advise you to be patient and not rush after feelings only in certain circumstances, as circumstances may change and feelings will change.
A philosophical girl, one of the dreamers, said: Like summer friends and travel friends, when the summer and the trip end, the friendship may not continue in the same way due to changing life circumstances.
I said: Indeed
Another said: What do you advise us about marriage:
I said:
Gibran Khalil Gibran says something about marriage that I have been repeating ever since I read his great book, “The Prophet.”
He says on my own terms:
In marriage you are together to build a life.
However, let there be spaces between you.
Each of you should give each other some of his loaf, but do not share one loaf.
The pillars of the temple are based on separation
And the strings of the harp sound, even if they are pulled apart.
Science and quantum physics say: The basic structure of the entire universe is something smaller than everything called quarks, and it consists of filaments that dance and vibrate in different ways, thus creating matter. In my mind, God is the maestro who makes each group of quarks vibrate differently, so matter is formed, which is an expression of energy according to the type of vibrations. It is as if all of life is a piece of music and the universe is a divine melody.
Likewise, our life and our relationship with life partners, whether a spouse or a friend, is a system that requires harmony and harmony, like a piece of music or a symphony of life. Two people write it and play it together. They avoid dissonance and strive to live up to it to build a happy life together.
The realistic young man said:
Isn’t marriage a deal like all deals through which we achieve a goal?
I said :
Marriage is not a deal.
Marriage is a moral obligation between a man and a woman who seek to make each other happy and build a family.
Marriage is a declaration between people of a commitment between two people who share love, friendship, respect and commitment.
The friendship between spouses increases in importance over time.
If a person enters into marriage with the aim of making profit and achieving goals, then it is a marriage whose end is inevitable.
Another young woman said:
What about separation and divorce:
I said:
If one party seeks divorce without a serious attempt at reconciliation, he is wrong.
Do not propose to marriage unless there is love, friendship, affection and respect between you.
Four pillars: If one of them falls apart, the obligation falls and disappears.
If you decide not to complete the commitment due to your failure to create a life together, then separate without resentment or hatred.
Once again, marriage is not just a contract and a deal from which we make a profit.
Let us meet in love and part with affection and respect.
A young woman who travels a lot said:
When I get married, I will get married in England or America, where the law gives me the right to half of my husband’s wealth upon divorce.
I said: So you did not hear me. If the goal of marriage is to gain benefit, its end will be harm to both of you.
Because by seeking a selfish benefit upon separation, you give the other party the right to harm you, and even in the materialistic Western world, the benefits accrue to law firms and not to the spouses.
Let them marry honourably and separate honourably.
An educated young man said: When there is disagreement, things become complicated, Doctor, and these values disappear.
I said: Make sure, my children, that the right is neither in Western nor local law. The right remains a right in all circumstances. People’s natures appear at the time of disagreement, so do not rush to cause harm, but rather strive to achieve separation with morals, patience, and tolerance.
A young woman who recently divorced said:
My ex-husband has singled me out and made me give up all my rights, including a child from him, in order to get a divorce. Is this pleasing to God, or is it just because I live in Egypt?
I told her: No, if you get married according to the Sunnah of God and His Messenger, God will not be pleased with you not being able to provide for your children and care for them in Egypt or elsewhere. Nor will God be pleased with your wife being robbed of half of her ex-husband’s property if you are in a Western country, as your colleague says.
Another young man said: Not all difficulties are what women face. There are wives whose demands are an obstacle to completing life. We should not put the blame solely on men.
I said: Every situation has its own circumstances, and let me share with you a piece of wisdom I learned: In the unconscious stage of marriage, you cling to your belief that your partner intuitively understands your needs and understands them on his own. However, in the conscious marriage stage, in order to reach an understanding with your life partner, you must open channels of communication with him.
An angry young woman said: Can a man love more than one woman at the same time???? Doctor, my husband swears that he loves me, and in fact he is an ideal, gentle life partner. He bears his responsibilities and shows signs of his love in every situation, but I learned by chance that he is in a relationship with another woman, and if I had not known, I would never have doubted. Isn’t this justification for asking for a divorce even though we have a beautiful child whom he gives his love to? And his care.
I said: A difficult question to answer, my daughter… but what I can say is that you are the one in the strongest position. You are the wife and mother now. Do not turn the situation to your disadvantage and abandon the pillars of your life. Rather, try intelligently to keep him because, as you say, he is an ideal father and husband, and do not push him to take a position. A choice. This may be a snapshot in his life, but you are the whole movie.
I know how difficult this is, but all the experiences I have seen in life indicate that a rational wife or husband is the one who understands the other and shows and deepens his priorities, not the one who chooses to escape by separating.
Of course, every situation has its own circumstances, but I have learned not to turn a snapshot in life into a movie, nor to reduce the movie to a snapshot whose circumstances may be unsustainable.
A sensible young man said: One last piece of advice, Doctor, about happiness in life. Let us end our conversation on a positive note, as we are accustomed to:
I said:
Happiness is a positive decision, and it has components that, if we do not seek it, we may not find it. It is true that some people, including me, have genes ready for joy, and they see the best in people, and in the events around them, the most beautiful in them. But if a person is not seeking joy and seeking happiness, days may pass and he does not see it because he is not looking for it.
The collective mind of the family and society may create positive energy and vice versa. This collective mind is driven by society’s culture, society’s leaders, its media, and its arts. Emotional preparation for it begins from childhood, at home, school, and university, in the club and the square, in houses of prayer…mosques, churches, and temples…
Life is a blessing from the Creator, and joy in it is thanks to God, and we must yearn for it and savor it. It is a right of every one of you, so strive for it, make it a goal in your relationships, and transfer its positive energy to your children.
I said: A difficult question to answer, my daughter… but what I can say is that you are the one in the strongest position. You are the wife and mother now. Do not turn the situation to your disadvantage and abandon the pillars of your life. Rather, try intelligently to keep him because, as you say, he is an ideal father and husband, and do not push him to take a position. A choice. This may be a snapshot in his life, but you are the whole movie.
I know how difficult this is, but all the experiences I have seen in life indicate that a rational wife or husband is the one who understands the other and shows and deepens his priorities, not the one who chooses to escape by separating.
Of course, every situation has its own circumstances, but I have learned not to turn a snapshot in life into a movie, nor to reduce the movie to a snapshot whose circumstances may be unsustainable.
A sensible young man said: One last piece of advice, Doctor, about happiness in life. Let us end our conversation on a positive note, as we are accustomed to:
I said:
Happiness is a positive decision, and it has components that, if we do not seek it, we may not find it. It is true that some people, including me, have genes ready for joy, and they see the best in people, and in the events around them, the most beautiful in them. But if a person is not seeking joy and seeking happiness, days may pass and he does not see it because he is not looking for it.
The collective mind of the family and society may create positive energy and vice versa. This collective mind is driven by society’s culture, society’s leaders, its media, and its arts. Emotional preparation for it begins from childhood, at home, school, and university, in the club and the square, in houses of prayer…mosques, churches, and temples…
Life is a blessing from the Creator, and joy in it is thanks to God, and we must yearn for it and savor it. It is a right of every one of you, so strive for it, make it a goal in your relationships, and transfer its positive energy to your children.
